Spam email gems

March 2nd, 2009 by Francis

One of my little jobs is to babysit the Cambridge Environment Initiative website, deal with email and post, and so on, just while they’re waiting to get some more staff in. So every week, I check the email, and try and pick out the real messages for CEI, from the offers of fake watches, unbelievable riches, penis extensions, Russian wives, etc.

Having spent a while, looking for patterns, I have a variety of spam filters set up in the email software, of course, so most of the spam gets pretty effectively consigned to a “This is spam” folder. Sure, a few spam emails get through, but it’s not too bad.

Having said that, now and then, some valid emails undergo that rendition process I have in place, and are sent to a dark directory, from whence they need to be rescued. That requires me to skim through the spam, double checking for anything I might actually want to keep.

This means, of course, that I have the dubious pleasure of reading some of the Subjects… and some of them are can be amusing, mysterious, inexplicable… I thought I’d share a small selection:

  • “Erase the memories of defeat” (what?!)
  • “Be her wild Prince of pleasure” (well, I’d like think… you know… )
  • “Your log cabin delivered today!” (marvellous! I’ll take it home on the bus!)
  • “Are you struggling to get it?” (I don’t get it)
  • “Women will be sleeping at your door to get a night with you” (I’ll beware of that when I get home)
  • “Get pure drilling pleasure” (one for the oil geologists?)
  • “Be proud of your biggest achievement that shines in your pants” (the bloke who invented the wind-up torch would love this)
  • “Dear McDonalds customer, we offer you $100″ (… in McDonalds vouchers?)
  • “Your love torch won’t blow out” (great news!)

OK, that’s not just a random selection: I filtered out beavers, girths, and rods, but you get the idea. ;)

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3 Responses to “Spam email gems”

  1. Lisha Says:

    Wait – I need, really NEED to know about the beavers… It’s the school mascot you know. Ian has been unable to walk the hallways with a straight face since the banners proclaiming “Beaver Fever” and “Beaver Pride” have been hung in the hall where my classroom is.

  2. Francis Says:

    Hmmm… well, given the varied ages and sensibilities of the ilpleut? readership, I feel it is only fair to protect them from more risqué content… :)

    Maybe I could just forward to spam to you!

    Up the Beavers!

  3. Karyn Says:

    Keep making a list of them and in few months we can publish them as a book!

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